The way to a man’s heart

I’ve just read an article online about ‘what meals every man wishes their women prepared’ and I’m so mad. I’m mad because that article lists chapattis as the third meal in that hierarchy. Come on! Chapos should always come first in that food chain. Always! Free advice, ladies: there’s only one proven way to a man’s heart, and that’s nothing other than smooth round healthy chapattis.

Do you guys know that a man can travel daily from Tao to Rongai to just quench his thirst for chapos? You guys are not getting, let me explain. Let’s say you stay with your guy (Tom) in Langata and that Tom works at the KCB Moi Avenue branch. Then one cool evening one of his buddies takes him to this joint in Rongai where chapos are not just cooked but manufactured. That’s just the day your food in the house will start going uneaten.

That evening, Tom will look at your ugali-fish and will want to ask “Susan, kwani those hands of yours can’t event make a chappati? What kind of woman are you?” but of course he won’t ask because that’ll be rude. So daily, from town, Tom will be traveling straight to Rongai for those chapos before coming home. Then slowly, you’ll realise he doesn’t even enjoy your food and will start thinking he’s seeing some other chick. Then you’ll start spying on him. Chapos my dear.

Ok, thing is. If you are a lady and all you can do is order pizza and milkshake and eat and sip and blow your nails and stare at your ass in the mirror and wear a 90K weave and post all that stuff on snap chat but can’t roll a chappati on a pan, you may want to review your priorities. Or if you are a mom and doubt your daughters’ culinary skills, don’t let that house help collapse in the kitchen when your daughters are around. But most importantly, take them through the preparation of fine (not dry /transparent) chappatis. We don’t want to attend your son-in-law’s birthday and get suffocated by dry malnourished chapos and start mocking your daughter’s cookery.

You want your guy to stay loyal? Simple. Make him those chapos frequently. You’ve been wondering why ‘clandes’ keep married men? It’s just the chapos. Learn to make kick ass chapos!

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