The waitress

By Osanya Mahanda


For close to a fortnight, revelers, mechanics, and business persons frequenting and working along an infamous drinking highway around Tumaini, Ongata Rongai bathed themselves in obscene frenzy like baboons on heat. News that Mary, a yellow yellow plus sized ‘diva’ who used to wait tables at a popular drinking joint punctured her ‘standards’ when she lured a reja reja drunkard to a pubs’ seedy toilet and ordered him to do it to her the way Neymar does a penalty kick shocked and filled them with endless glee.

Mary, a cute daughter of Mumbi known for her low cunning, love for ‘fine’ things and arrogance had always been held in contempt by revelers of the pub she worked at. ‘She thought she was an avocado,’ a mechanic working at an open garage on the highway and a customer of hers described Mary to this writer. ‘Alikuwa anajiringa sana, lakini leo tumejuwa hiyo maringo ni ya pesa nane,’ he added.

Loathed by male and female patrons of the keg hole she served, our waiter had high standards. She only drunk Guinness and nothing below the price of Captain Morgan rum. Touch her by mistake and she’d sneer, her rolling eyes telling you, ‘potelea mbali juu huwezi ni afford!’ She picked her men with a fine tooth comb. ‘Chali havai vest ya white hawezi make kunikatia juu ni mchafu,’ she’d declare when a brother dropped her a line. Mary was the Sidika men wanted to tap, stood no chance and disliked her for that.

Whenever on duty, she’d apply and reapply make up from time to time smirking her lips, rolling her eyes and sneering to the chagrin of customers.

Mary’s descend down that shameful drain begun on Thursday night. Her ‘boyfriend’ a descent gent who keeps to himself minding his drink and Mary’s beverages’ needs was with her. The two were in the company of their favourite Irish dark brew, muguka (khat) and later on makali (spirits) according to the information given to us.

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1 Comment

Lavender Amunga September 11, 2019 at 2:03 am

Eeeiii!! 😂😂😂😂😂😂 Osanya will finish us! Nice one.

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