Four types of slay queens


We commonly identify them as ‘slay queens’ and just like the recent HIV/AIDS infection rise among the Kenyan youths, their sacco has not been left behind either. Remember that girl who told you that a gentleman must match his shoes and belt, yet her face and neck don’t match? That’s a slay queen.Here are the four types of slay queens.

The Churchy SQ
They always consider themselves none blemish lamb, the mother Teresa and would rather be single than miss church on Sunday but the truth is, they are driven by specific motives. They are choosy and you’ll never see them in local ‘mabati’ or miniature roomed churches instead in mega churches managed by immigrants or wealthy pastors who prefer to be called ‘mommy’ and ‘daddy’ by their wafwasi.
Their drive is to associate themselves with the prosperous lifestyle, attend the singles and revival night to increase their chances of finding the man of their dreams; tall, dark, handsome, rich and God fearing yet back at their belligerent bed sitters they’ll be busy ruining other people’s marriages by the number of uber and ‘nduthi’ that picks and drops them every Friday and Saturday before embarking for repentance on Sunday. Then later will post motivational quotes on social media and fill us with whatsapp statuses praising His name with bible quotes only to realize it’s from Google.

The wannabe SQ
They are the copy cats and will do everything possible to make sure they look the same as that person they’ve copied the idea from. They love American reality shows and episodes of Keeping up with the Kardashians, the housewives of Atlanta, Miami, Beverly Hills, Growing up Hip Hop etc. will not air without their discern, they also make sure they follow all the characters in the show be it on instagram, snapchat, twitter and facebook to keep up with the updates ie. who’s gotten married, has a kid, boyfriend, divorced the litany is endless.
With this influence, many want to imitate those celebrities hence will start changing their lifestyle. Change their grooming style; wear short dresses even when it’s freezing outside, wear expensive Brazilian weaves yet they haven’t even filed their taxes, use expensive phones, want that flat tummy yet fries is their staple food and most shockingly many of them are single for they spend most of their time trying to impress every boy child and before they realize, they are 30 and confused.
Kwao cha muhimu ni uhai, and after all, they will always get married to the church!

The married SQ
Most of them hide in the analogy that they are trying to impress their men to avoid early divorce but the truth is, it’s either they skipped this stage or their men are boring. They are always updated of the new hair styles, hair products, fashion and are regular users of the social media especially facebook. You’ll find them in funny groups such as Kilimani moms uncensored, udaku reloaded only to discuss their husbands and how they are pathetic in bed.
They never do any house chores since they have a ‘mboch’ for that instead will take a shower, dress well, apply all kinds of make ups then sit in the sitting room, miguu kwa meza as she tries to flirt with baba nani on whatsapp or facebook messenger as she watches Telemundo while his husband is busy somewhere making a living. They like to drive their husband’s Land rover with windows fully rolled down for the society to see them and you wI’ll rarely miss them on some major events in pretence of, “nilikuwa nimepeleka watoto out” but deep down, alikuwa ameenda kutafuta ule kijana hukula njungu.

The village SQ
Everybody knows her in the village from the elders, neighbours, relatives to children. She’s uniquely identified as, ule mototo wa nanii ambaye hajui kulima na hakulangi ugali. They are always on life joyride since their father ni mzee wa kijiji and owns a reasonable size of land with few cattle and goats, a ticket not to associate themselves with the other village girls in fear of local dialect influence and “not my league” explanations.

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I think inside the box 📦

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