#BoyChildDiary

Immature relationships

“Tayari huyo dem ashaniboo na naogopa kumwambia directly that it’s over between us, chenye nitafanya, nitaenda silent for a while, no texts, calls, block her on social media and because she’s somehow intelligent, I expect atafill the gap,” said one of my boy child associate.

The assertion instantly abstracted me from my ‘American dream’ contemplation back to the punitive realism that I was already going through. Hey, wake up and smell the coffee! Ops! I meant ‘the keg’, you’ve only sipped your third cup and you are already in a plane to America? Come on brother, you know that’s impossible!

This is, and will always be your America; ‘Kwa Njoro’s local pub’ so sit tight com padre, it’s gonna be a long ride! Look around, you see that guy far on your left? Yes the Otile-sized with Ronaldo’s hair style, Jaber is his alias, right? Khat is his staple, Arsenal fan, has a sugar mama, always here before the doors are open only to drink on debts since his ‘sweety’s’ salary is on delay so everyone knows him as, “ongeza hio kwa deni ya jana” customer.

What about Chalkman, the guy seated next to him, very bright by how he each time controls and transition the conversation on the table, you can tell he watches news everyday by how he describes events that succumb the country, has a ‘come-we-stay’ girlfriend so he never walks alone just like other Liverpool fans, owns a 28 inch flat screen after beating ‘Muhindi’ at his own game through ‘hio ekea kichwa, over na under 2.5,’ talkative and very ambitious of nothing.

Hey, what about him, ‘Puffman’, I hear he’s your closet that’s why he’s just on your right. Sincerely I don’t know how and why but what about him, smoker of both joint and Dunhill, heavy drinker among the four, four break ups in a row and worst, a Chelsea fun.

Well, here you are now, soon, it will be end month, no idea of where the rent will come from but you are busy sipping keg like water, Manchester united fan, single and a moderator. In fact the only thing putting you all at pact is football and the different weirdness you each embrace. Weird personalities but very helpful indeed.

Reality check, so why, why friend, why are you trying to portray me as a bad influence, I try you know! Clearly I know that since time immemorial boy child has never been serious to girl child, remember David, Solomon, Akuku Danger etc. but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t! it’s time we should break that status quo.

Reason, he’s afraid to break up with her eye to eye because he doesn’t even know how to start, in brief, he’s a coward. The truth is, it’s not his first time either, five and counting, no difference with Chelsea club on their coaching stuff-perfect match!

He takes a puff of the Dunhill that was sluggishly supported by his two middle finger accompanied by the half empty keg in his mag then looks at us, “cooome oon my fellow mboy chhhhhh (whatever), I nid ua vius on dis eshu, a litu help men!”

A little help, huh! I believe even he didn’t get the spelling right. Anyway, I don’t think it’s little, hail no! This one is more that seriously needs ancestral intervention! First of all, the girl is from your class, she’s a faculty rep…

Goooaaaaal! Goaaaaaal! Lingard scores! My inner thoughts was interrupted! Damn I hated it when they do that!

“So, it’s your turn Mr. Nice guy, what do you have to say about my situation,” said Puffman while tapping my shoulder hard as if it’s Morata that had scored.

First of all, you don’t just sack girls out of your life like that, you are not Chelsea’s owner, you are just a fan, have some courtesy, just like you, she’s someone’s child too, secondly she’s human like you so it’s obvious niggar, she has feelings that can be hurt too, thirdly, that’s your personal shit right there and lastly we came here to drink and watch football N.I.G.G.E.R!

Ops! Forgive my short attention lifespan, what I can say, I’m not a good relationships…

“Penalty, Ref, hio inafaa ikuwe pena! Hata VAR ikuwe hacked, hii game tuna win!” Jaber interrupted as he was trying to fight an already losing battle.

Man! I hate being interrupted! Crazy friends indeed!

“It’s all said and done, Arsenal looked good on paper but United looked better on the pitch, that’s the final whistle, Arsenal beaten at (3-1) by Manchester United. We’ve been your host Peter Drury and Jim Belgin, good night from London.”

“Waiter, nishapata CONGRATULATIONS! Message, chafua meza!”Shouted gambling friend, Chalkman.

“Imagine, Man U ilikuwa na odds za 3.5 na niliwaekea na punch!” he continued.

Back to our needy boy child, that’s how he broke up and forgot about  the poor girl child. Very disrespectful of him to handle such an issue very lightly. Please if you are not ready for relationships avoid and focus on your poor success choices instead of wasting her precious time.

Anyway, I don’t give relationship advises, so who I’m I to start now? (Boom! Thank God this time I competed my statement!)

“Majamaa….lorry!!! (to be continued.)

 

 

 

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I think inside the box 📦

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114 Comments

Anonymous May 16, 2018 at 9:57 pm

If you love Man U anymore than you do, you’ll need a shrink. Great article. I kinda love “jaber” his investment system maybe unconventional but it works..sema 21st century na wanaume suruali

    Kevin Ojiambo May 17, 2018 at 1:17 pm

    Hehe, from now he’s you

Emmanuel May 16, 2018 at 10:26 pm

Great article. It’s a good blend of reality and humor

Brian May 16, 2018 at 11:27 pm

Nice one bro!!

Joseph May 17, 2018 at 12:04 am

Boy child no ku-risk chalkman I applaud you!

Well done @OJ

Chebaby May 17, 2018 at 8:31 am

I liked how you explained the bar scene I swear I could almost picture it to the last detail……and repeat that last paragraph one more time for the men In the back 😂😂😂😂

Joseph May 22, 2018 at 8:05 am

#BoyChild revelations is really real. That is what you hear when a group of boys are gathered. Football will be brought to discussion when they see an intruder.

    Kevin Ojiambo May 23, 2018 at 12:59 am

    Absolutely

    Kevin Ojiambo May 23, 2018 at 1:00 am

    Ahaa

Dennis May 22, 2018 at 2:12 pm

Nice piece, true to life these are the chronicles of the boy child and his escapades at the local tavern

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