Beer pressure

By the guises, the local’s entirety appears normal, folks seem to have embraced the contemporary change. The revolution that ‘mafuta ilipanda bei’, demise is no longer an impediment for slay queens’ pursuit for that aristocratic existence, Members of Parliament are regressive form four leavers who still pronounce hippopotamus as hipototamus, ‘baba’ is no longer in opposition and that without China we as a country are impractical.

It’s Friday! The wonderful gilded sunset beam didn’t disappoint, kids as usual tried to bout for the slightest light with dusk as the moon did it’s best to awaken the alcoholics. ‘Mama mboga’ on the other are busy finalizing on their last twigs of ‘sukuma wiki’  while the ‘mutura’ guy beside our preferred pub ‘kwa njoro’ is extremely trying to contaminate the midair with the ‘mutura’ scented carbon monoxide burn to entice consumers.

“Guys, vile hii story na sponsor ina trend, nadai kuchukua break na sweet mama wa mine hadi tension zishuke,” yelled Jaber as he writhed ruminating khat that had now protruded over his right cheek while checking his ‘kabambe’ eagerly waiting for that ‘confirmed you have received’ Mpesa message from her sugar mommy.

“Jaber, ni kama zako zimeshika!” said Puffman as he lit his third Dunhill cigarette.

Yes, we were a bit concerned about what Jaber said since he sorts the pub bill most of times but at the moment, it seemed as none of our worry for we also had had our own issues to drink away to. Chalkman has had a very tough month since the league began, even after hours of thorough match analysis he has been losing cash day in day out and worse, the dream of winning 208 million jackpot was cut short after it was won by an illiterate being at the Rift of West Pokot whom I’m sure has never used an Asian bet options ever since he began gambling plus the last time he saw his girlfriend was the day he escorted her to the chemist to buy P2.

Puffman aka ‘fisi’ on the other fell for a campus fresher who has always insisted for HIV test before she could allow him taste her flower that has left him on dry spell for almost a week now (najua hii ni shida ya ujinga)

“Mathee, tuletee jag tatu, na packet moja ya Dunhill for Puffman, wengine wanaweza jiitishia what they want,” said Jaber happily as he headed to an Mpesa shop that was opposite the pub. His ‘momma’ never disappoints, I wonder why he was thinking of cutting it short.

Hey! What about you amicus taberna (friend of the pub), shida zako ni nini? Is it Manchester united again or one of those American lifestyle thoughts? Come on, open up!

Take a look around, everyone is here for a reason. Look at those two middle aged men for example, they look exhausted probably from ‘mjengo’ or ‘jua kali’ business, alcohol probably makes them relax from the hectic day, or lets say those girls staring at you guys at the counter, do you think they have nothing to do? I don’t think so, they are probably here to get laid. That’s just but a few. So, what brings you here today?

Um… “Mr nice guy, unaonaje Man Utd hii weekend, wanaweza toboa kweli? Ama niweke goal goal? Interrupted Chalkman.

Damn! I hate being interrupted from my thoughts!

You want to know what I think? I think that we’ll be done with school few months from now but be jobless, I think that drugs limits our thinking with ‘by this time I should have’ mantra, I think that we fear reality, reality of ‘what will the society say?’ I think that we are fighting the wrong battle by being here, I think that some of us will be among those intellects that will be laying miserably at Uhuru Park with university certificates hoping that a good Samaritan journalist will someway pop up  and cover our degree struggles for the government to feel guilty, I think that if given a second chance I would call my Ex and apologize instead of waking up with different types of make-up stains on my sheets every Saturday morning, I think that drinking and smoking is dangerous, I think that…

“Oya Man UTD fan! I’m still waiting for your opinion kabla odds zishuke halafu that light-skinned clande at the counter is checkin you out man!” interrupted Chalkman, AGAIN!!!

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I think inside the box 📦

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1 Comment

Joseph Orabu October 5, 2018 at 6:56 am

This is it man! I was like ooh ,sponsors have coiled their tails….juu ya story ya maslay queen kuuliwa so we the brock guys on demand now!

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