When you are a 20-something year old jamaa fresh from campus and struggling to find a footing in a bedsitter or singleroom, you don’t need to announce your msotoism anytime we meet for us to understand, we already know. Yeah, we know man! Of course that’s why you’ve since reduced the number of times you visit Legend and Trenton to zero. Don’t try pulling those stunts of sijui “My daktari advised me to cut on alcoholism… Sijui I’m trying to check on my weight… Sijui I’m travelling abroad soon so I need to stay cool…” come on, all of us here know you can’t afford having your daktari bana, and two, we all know your pockets are as dry as Jubilee’s promises.
Now listen! Next time you visit ‘Mkulima Resort’ or Mosocho in Rongai, at least make an effort to order a different meal man. “Choma nne” Monday to Monday will kill you man, “Ugali mix” day and night wouldn’t help much either. Secondly, when storming these food joints, burying your head in a jumper / hoody is also one of the a thousand ways to die – a Kenya Power electricity pole would land on you from behind anytime without your consent… we still need you around bana. But sasa kwani what are you hiding? You are not the first to strangle chapo soup!
Anyway, so yesterday while on pitapita zangu, I decide to pop my head into Mkulima (just to see what happens there). Hehehe, guys why can’t we have this over tomorrow? Please? Meanwhile, those who just moved out, there’s one favor I need from you, please. Ok, so thing is, if you know you can’t pronounce the term ‘hippopotamus’ and can’t afford a one day fun trip at Hemingways Watamu then from today, train yourself to stay away from anything that walks in a skirt – mostly in a brief skirt and borrowed wigs! Yeah, cause definitely you don’t afford such luxuries. Ok, go have your ugali mix, see you, soon.