The ‘hi’ guy
This man is always desperate each time he sends such kind of text. He has no need to explain that to each lady in his contacts, so he plays with probability from the ten ‘hi’ texts sent, he’s sure out of that he might trap that desperate girl child somewhere whose sponsor is also on a forced family getaway wekend so hii weekend either alambe lolo or submit to that cheap bed sitter dinner date invite that she kept on evading juu huyo kijana si mchezo kwa game and she still wants it tight!
The ‘whatsapp GB’ guy
With all the elegance, the features and colorfulness, one can rationally conclude that this app was specifically designed for the female gender and will rarely miss on their androids. So, how does it end up on a man’s phone? Hello! It’s obvious, he’s spending most of his leisure with ladies and maybe got convinced by one, who knows, perhaps at a cost of ‘fuck’ shillings. Or maybe he’s gay!
The ‘how was your weekend’ guy
He is always a guy with a plan, makes calculated moves and knows all the possible errors and more importantly he already knows the reply to the message he sends. Girl child hapo na kiherehere yake anasema, I can’t say boring, it was just normal, pap! Trapped, he knows amepata mboga weekend, so he’ll just have to work on his ugali perfectly, saa ya kukula ikifika hatakubali disappointment ya 60 seconds. He then concludes the conversation with ‘btw what are you doing for the weekend’. She’s left helpless with no option but to give in. After he’s satisfied, he moves the tactic to the next girl child.
The ‘uber’ guy
The ‘mama mboga’ outside his gate have already mastered his lady flow tricks, huyu akitoka lazima arudi na kadem hata sometimes mama rika yetu, so he advances his plans to uber, he will Mpesa you that uber money for he knows you love uber more than you pretend to love him (lakini wasichana sijui mlirogwa wapi na uber) and with the little help of the high school starting, meeting and ending point mathematics, he’ll never go wrong that’s why she’s never collided with her co-sex worker in his wanna be house.
The ‘power bank’ guy
He’s either with you or against you and if you see him with a power bank, just know, he’s a back up guy. Yes, there could be someone else or maybe you are below 15% in charge and amekuweka ultra save mode, you are not so sure when utazima.
I’m ‘not a sports’ guy
Hail no! When he tells you this, just know the guy is admitting to cheat on you and you can’t do nothing. So, let’s be realistic, what will be doing when his friends are busy shouting gooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalllllllll, ref penalty, hi oleo kichwa inaingiana, watu wa goal goal leo bibi analala njaa, Manchester united ni noma jo! Yes, what will be doing? Preaching the gospel to that hot attendant who always looks horny each time she serves them beer? Or wink to that regular single beautiful mama that always comes to the club not to watch football but for a night stand? Huh!
The ‘whatsapp profile changer’ guy
For ladies, it’s mandatory, I hear if she doesn’t change regularly, chances are she might be doing the same to her pant. Well if he is the kind of guy, blue tick that NIIGGAAR! If not, trust me, you might become a Facebook motivator without your will. The way he changes that profile, that’s the same rate he changes people in his life.
The ‘she’s just a friend’ guy
You see him with her and he exposes that smile that he only shows, never accept that ‘oh, that was just a friend’ bullshit. That’s a new competition out there.
The ‘nitumie hii’ guy
Do you know how many times he uses the slang in his chats and conversations? Kidogo kidogo, he’ll be chatting with another hottie with a bigger arse, flat tammy and erected tits behind your back saa zile aunty shiro anakusumbua for blood sacrifice and boom! He asks her nitumie nudes or the other way round, he decides to send yours to his team mafisi friends. Watajuaje ni mkali!